One thing that changes with the loss of the person we’ve shared our life with is how we see independence. In the past, independence could be related to the shared commitments, the teamwork, and knowing that someone had you back. Now, independence may feel like it requires more assistance than before, and that’s perfectly fine.
One one should have in mind that independence has nothing to do with the ability to do everything by yourself. It has to do more with staying engaged and involved in the decisions you make even when someone’s helping you with things along the way.
Whether it’s about finances, your current living situation, or certain medical decision, when someone’s assisting you with all this following a loved one’s dead, you need to make sure your opinion still counts. And it’s okay to say things like, “I appreciate your help, but I still want to choose.”
In most cases, people help you “too much” simply because they are worried about you and because they think you are overwhelmed by the loss. It’s not that their help doesn’t come from a good place, but to you, it may feel like someone else is suddenly deciding for you.
When your answer to someone’s help comes in the form of “Let me decide myself,” or “I’m not ready yet,” doesn’t make you difficult. You are just stepping for yourself.
3. Making peace with loneliness without letting it define you
Loneliness is a feeling everyone experiences at certain point in life,but the loneliness after a loss of someone we loved is unlike any other form of this feeling, because we don’t only miss a person but everything that came with their presence. We shared jokes, our days, our secrets, and all of a sudden, it’s all gone, and there is no amount of other people who can feel that kind of need.
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